my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
