i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
