Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
