dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
