Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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