He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
