I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
