don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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