We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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