My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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