fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they're like a gay fantastic four
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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