I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
