new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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