so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you would pick up someone in the library
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
