I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
