just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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