fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
