what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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