this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
