if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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