Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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