Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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