so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
