I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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