so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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