Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
