If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
