Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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