Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
