how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
