please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
