dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
