Just mADE A PArabola og urine
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The best revenge is premature balding
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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