Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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