I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
