I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
