You work out of a Hotel?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
