He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
