We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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