You're my little dorito
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
