What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
