Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just gift wrapped bread.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
