Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"it" just moved
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
