So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
