Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
