I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
