Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
