Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
