You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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