think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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