I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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