woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
